Bailey Lang's Shithouse Chili

The day finally happened. The KC Chili Club of America was finally subjected to Bailey Lang's Shithouse Chili. However, the mood was hopeful as the smell coming from the crockpot wasn't nearly as terrible as initially feared.

"I was afraid," said Glendon Scott, famous for his holiday yule log video. "I was expecting it to smell like a rhino's asshole."

But it didn't. In fact, it smelled fine. And the taste, that was okay, too.

"It was okay," said Tony Snethen, executive creative director for VML and member of the 2016 jury at Cannes.

For Bailey, it was a huge relief.

"I was terrified everyone would get food poisoning," said an exhuberant Lang. "But they didn't."

Club member Erik "Rhinos Asshole" Stark wasn't as sure.

"I was expecting it to be the worst thing I've ever eaten," said Stark. "I made myself so nervous that I had a stomach ache. Thanks Bailey."

Maria Civitate, took a break from Instagram to weigh in.

"I'm glad I ate Bailey's Shithouse Chili," said Civitate. "I guess."

Carley McNary, a founding member of the Run Club, gave the chili a glowing review of her own.

"Bailey's cooking is usually the worst," said McNary. "So I was surprised this was edible."

Looks: Good AF

Flavor: Meh

Scent: I'd Wear It

Digestion: Feels Good

B-Hole Burn: No Worries

Would you make this to impress a first date: No

Would you bookmark this recipe: No

If this chili were human, the Chili Club would be torn between fucking it and killing it. 

Overall 7 spoons out of 10 possible spoons 

Special thanks to Club Member Bailey Lang for sharing Bailey Lang's Shithouse Chili with us.

Maria Civitate's Sweet and Sausagey Millennial Chili

Straight from the pages of Pinterest to our bowls, Maria's Sweet and Sausagey Millennial Chili came loaded with cheese, spices and a sense of entitlement. But will the Chili Club grant it the participation trophy it so desperately wants?

"You can really taste the brown sugar," said Tony Snethen, an executive creative director renowned for his ability to take a human truth and boil it down to its most pure insight. "Like, it's really sweet."

Fellow Clubber Erik "Backhole" Stark agreed.

"I think Maria purchased all the sugar at her local organic store," said Stark. "I'm sure the co-op was set back for weeks."

But there was much more to Maria Civitate's Sweet and Sausagey Millennial Chili than just sugar.

"There seemed to be several types of meats in it. I think. I don't know food very well," said Bailey, the least looked-forward to Chili Club participant. "There could've been sausage but honestly, it all tastes like beef to me... it's like I have no tastebuds."

The tasting took longer to start than usual as Maria art directed several delicate social images showing the chili through different filters.

"If it tastes as good as it looks I'm going to sell it on Etsy," said Maria.

Glendon Scott, himself a chili aficionado, made sure to put it to the test.

"I put it to the test and determined it was definitely chili," said Mr. Scott, also a highly decorated creative chief.

Carley McNary, however, had the final word on Maria's Sweet and Sausagey Millennial Chili.

"Hopefully it doesn't give me diarrhea," said McNary.

Looks: Good AF

Flavor: Bathe Me In It

Scent: I'd Wear It

Digestion: Feels Good

B-Hole Burn: No Worries

Would you make this to impress a first date: Yes

Would you bookmark this recipe: No

If this chili were human, the Chili Club would marry it in a close vote. 

Overall 8.04 spoons out of 10 possible spoons 

Special thanks to Club Member Maria Civitate for sharing Maria Civitate's Sweet and Sausagey Millennial Chili with us.